Monday, January 9, 2012

Reuben's Ramblings: Cutting

There are some things I just find hard to understand. One of those things is cutting. Teens inflict physical pain on themselves in order to forget about emotional pain in their lives. I have been depressed before—some would strongly disagree, but I can hide my feelings well—but I have never had the slightest impulse to inflict that much pain on myself. Sometimes I've wanted to inflict pain on others, sometimes I just feel like breaking things, but I’ve never wanted to do anything quite as… painful to one's self as cutting is.

It could just be that I have an abnormal fear of physical pain—this fact is probably due to how physically weak I am—or it could be for some other reason. But whether or not I've had the impulse to cut myself has nothing to do with this. It's what has given the impulse to others that does.

Until a couple years ago I didn't know much about cutting. I knew it existed, but I didn't really think about it much. Then I read the Patrick Bowers Files by Steven James. Tessa, the daughter of the main character, was a cutter. Thankfully she changed over the course of the series, but it still scared me. It was the first time cutting was really explained to me, and I was exasperated that so many people would actually do it.

I now know several people who used to cut, and even some that still do. These people always try to hide it when you talk to them, and that in itself is depressing. I once told a friend, "Cutting won't help anything." She retorted, angrily, "I don't cut to help myself. I cut to punish myself for living." Seriously, what has this world come to that thousands or millions of people would inflict terrifying pain on themselves just because they hated themselves? Every person hates themselves at one point in their life or another, but sometimes I'm shocked by the degree people will take it to.

What is the point of this rant? There is none, really. Sometimes I just need to get things out of my system. If you're a teen and you cut or are tempted to do so, just stop! Isn't there some other way to bleed out your depression or anger? Start a depression journal or blog. Do something else. Just find some other way to release your anger. Cutting just saddens me.


  1. You misquoted that conversation, darling.
    "Cutting really doesn't help anything..."

    "I don't do it for 'help', Reuben. I get 'help' when I talk to the psychiatrists who treat me like I'm stupid. I do it to punish myself for existing."

    Stumbled across that.

  2. My apologies for misquoting. I wrote the article late at night when I had no internet access to find the conversation. At least my paraphrase was somewhat accurate.

  3. Nobody deserves to be punished for existing. Existence is a gift, not a misdeed. You exist because God has a special plan for you. This makes you special. Don't punish yourself for being special!

  4. Intriguing.

    I don't think fear of physical harm is abnormal.

  5. Yeah, I think it is really sad what people do to themselves out of depression.
    My sister is writing a really great novel about an emo teenager that is into cutting, drugs, and is really depressed because her mom died, and she blames herself. But anyways its a story about new beginnings, redemption, and destiny. And to be warned it is considered to be like a horror, so its pretty scary with Satan himself and witches, the apocalypse, and just the big ordeal. But what I've read so far, it really speaks Jesus' love. I for one think that girls in this situation would really get a lot out of it if it were ever published. You can read a few chapters at

  6. I know, right? that's the story. From what i've experienced, no body can understand why someone would kill them self or enjoy bleeding themselves. Like it seems like plain insanity right? Maybe so, maybe not.
    I used to wonder why.
    But now i don't. Simply cuz i really do understand why someone would cut, by the only way one could understand.

    Thank god though, i soon realized cutting doesn't help for my sect of reasons. It only reminds one (me) of pain.